Lady Friends With Benefits

The 'Lady Friends With Benefits' episode of the 'Stuff Mom Never Told You' podcast delves into the historical phenomenon of 'Boston marriages,' a term coined from Henry James's 1886 novel 'The Bostonians.' Hosts Kristen and Caroline explore these relationships between educated, white, upper-class women in Victorian-era New England who lived together in long-term, intimate partnerships. The episode unpacks the societal conditions that gave rise to Boston marriages, including the rise of women's colleges, the ideology of separate spheres, and the relative lack of economic and professional opportunities for women, which often led them to seek companionship and mutual support in one another.

The hosts discuss the complex nature of Boston marriages, highlighting that while these relationships were often deeply romantic, the sexual component remains ambiguous due to the era's moral standards and lack of explicit historical records. They emphasize the importance of these relationships in providing women with an alternative to traditional heterosexual marriage, allowing them a degree of independence and the ability to pursue their own goals, such as suffrage and social reform.

Throughout the episode, Kristen and Caroline feature notable historical figures who were part of Boston marriages or similar arrangements, including Jane Addams, Gertrude Stein, and Alice B. Toklas. They also touch upon the intersection of race and sexuality, pointing out that while Boston marriages are predominantly documented among white women, women of color also formed intimate partnerships, particularly during the Harlem Renaissance.

As the narrative progresses, the episode examines the decline of Boston marriages, attributing it to the rise of sexology and psychoanalysis in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. These fields introduced concepts like sexual inversion and perversion, which pathologized same-sex relationships and led to increased societal stigma and homophobia. The growing acceptance of companionate marriage and the erosion of the separate spheres ideology also contributed to the decline of Boston marriages.