How to Be a Better Ally

The 'How to Be a Better Ally' episode of 'The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos' starts with a preface that acknowledges the difficulty of discussing topics like racism and homophobia, especially in the wake of events like the killing of George Floyd. Dr. Santos sets the tone for an episode that will explore how individuals can actively combat injustice and support marginalized communities. The episode shares a poignant story from James Barr, a queer comedian and podcaster who felt isolated and ignored by his coworkers after the Pulse nightclub shooting, highlighting the silence of would-be allies. This silence, despite good intentions, fails to support those affected by such tragedies and contributes to their sense of isolation.

Dolly Chug, an NYU professor and author, introduces the concept of moving from being a 'believer' in diversity and inclusion to becoming a 'builder'—someone who actively works to dismantle systemic biases. She emphasizes the need for tools and skills to translate beliefs into actions. Dr. Santos discusses the psychological barriers that prevent well-intentioned people from acting against injustice, such as a lack of awareness of systemic issues and the fear of making mistakes. The episode examines the 'hard knock life effect,' where individuals, when confronted with their privilege, may exaggerate their own hardships as a form of motivated reasoning to avoid feeling complicit in systemic inequality.

James Barr and Dan Hudson, co-hosts of the 'A Gay and a Non Gay' podcast, provide an example of how bridging differences and engaging in uncomfortable conversations can lead to understanding and allyship. Dan's journey from ignorance to becoming an LGBTQ ally illustrates the growth that can happen through direct engagement with issues affecting marginalized communities.

Dr. Santos and Dolly Chug discuss the importance of embracing a 'goodish' identity over striving to be a 'good' person, which can lead to a fixed mindset that hinders growth. They advocate for a growth mindset that accepts mistakes as learning opportunities and the need for continuous improvement. The episode also highlights the role of 'ordinary privilege,' where non-marginalized individuals can have a significant impact by speaking out against bigotry.

The narrative concludes with the story of Richard Lapchik, a prominent figure in the fight for racial justice in sports, who faced violent backlash for his activism. Richard's story underscores the long-term commitment and personal sacrifice involved in allyship, as well as the profound sense of purpose and happiness that can come from such work.