4 Reasons We Crave External Validation and 3 Ways to Feel Truly Seen, Heard, and Understood

In the 'On Purpose with Jay Shetty' podcast episode titled '4 Reasons We Crave External Validation and 3 Ways to Feel Truly Seen, Heard, and Understood,' Jay Shetty delves into the human desire for validation and its implications on our lives. He begins by referencing Oprah Winfrey's observation that all people seek validation, wanting to know if they are seen, heard, and if their words mean anything. Shetty emphasizes that this craving for validation is a natural human instinct, rooted in our need for social conformity and acceptance. He discusses research that illustrates our tendency to align with group opinions, even when they conflict with our own perceptions, due to the distress caused by disagreement.

Shetty then explores the negative aspects of seeking validation, particularly through social media. He cites a study revealing that a significant portion of active social media users report a negative impact on self-esteem and relationships. Social media, Shetty argues, is an unreliable source of validation as it represents a curated and often inauthentic slice of life. He likens the process of seeking validation through social media to an invalid scientific study, where the curated images and lifestyles of others are used as benchmarks for our own worth.

The podcast shifts to discussing the concept of self-affirmation and its importance in self-validation. Shetty explains that self-affirmation involves recognizing and prioritizing our values, which in turn enhances our ability to correct mistakes and grow. He references a study where individuals who affirmed their values exhibited greater self-control and brain function. Shetty also touches on the role of validation in relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-validation in avoiding emotional dependency on others.

In addressing the resolution of our craving for validation, Shetty offers practical exercises. He suggests listing personal values, writing about their significance, and evaluating daily actions that align or conflict with these values. This exercise aims to foster self-awareness and self-validation. Shetty also encourages listeners to recognize their unique contributions in situations where they feel out of place, reinforcing the idea that differences can be advantageous.