Title: 7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Podcast: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Release Date: 2019-05-24
Summary:
In the ‘On Purpose with Jay Shetty’ podcast episode titled ‘7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others,’ Jay Shetty delves into the ubiquitous challenge of self-comparison. He starts by acknowledging that comparing ourselves to others is a universal struggle exacerbated by social media, which often showcases highlight reels that distort our perception of others’ lives. Shetty emphasizes that such comparisons have existed long before social media, tracing back to childhood and throughout our development, where we measured ourselves against peers in academics, athletics, and other areas of life. He introduces two types of comparison: ‘upward comparison,’ where we compare ourselves to those we perceive as better, and ‘downward comparison,’ which involves comparing ourselves to those we perceive as having less. Shetty suggests that downward comparison can provide perspective and gratitude for what we have achieved.
Shetty shares a study involving monkeys that illustrates the emotional impact of comparison, highlighting how comparison can indeed be the ‘thief of joy,’ as stated by Theodore Roosevelt. He moves on to the roots of comparison, discussing how parenting and societal expectations can contribute to the problem. The episode pivots to providing practical solutions, outlining seven strategies to mitigate the habit of comparison. The first step is to define what success and happiness mean to the listener personally, across physical, financial, mental, emotional, and spiritual domains. The second step encourages discovering and focusing on one’s strengths, using tools like the Gallup Strengths Finder.
The third strategy involves studying people’s pains to realize that everyone faces challenges, making their lives more relatable and less idealized. The fourth method suggests collaboration over competition, fostering relationships and mutual growth with peers. The fifth is about remaining a student, staying curious, and learning from others’ successes. The sixth step encourages doing small acts with great love, and the seventh advises completing a task that has been long postponed, to boost confidence and self-worth. Throughout the episode, Shetty weaves in personal anecdotes, scientific studies, and quotes to underscore his points, aiming to equip listeners with the tools to focus on their own journey rather than getting sidetracked by others’.
Conclusion:
Jay Shetty’s podcast episode on stopping the comparison to others serves as a powerful reminder that our self-worth should not be contingent on others’ achievements or perceived success. The episode concludes with a reflective tone, emphasizing the importance of internal validation over external comparison. Shetty’s strategies are not just about reducing envy or jealousy but about fostering a deeper understanding of one’s values, strengths, and purpose. By defining personal success and focusing on individual growth, listeners are encouraged to create a life that is meaningful to them, rather than one that simply measures up to others.
The broader implications of Shetty’s message suggest a cultural shift from competition to collaboration, from comparison to introspection. This shift has the potential to reduce the collective anxiety and dissatisfaction that comparison breeds, promoting a more supportive and empathetic society. The key lessons revolve around the power of self-awareness, the value of genuine human connections, and the transformative impact of small, purposeful actions. In essence, Shetty’s overarching message is that by turning our attention inward and appreciating our unique journey, we can live more fulfilling lives and contribute to a world where success is not a zero-sum game but a shared experience of growth and discovery.
Key People Mentioned:
- Jay Shetty – Host of the ‘On Purpose with Jay Shetty’ podcast
- Radio de Lucia – Host of the podcast ‘A Really Good Cry’
- Emily Tish Sussman – Host of the ‘She Pivots’ podcast
- Danielle Robey – Co-host of the ‘The Bright Side’ podcast
- Simone Boyce – Co-host of the ‘The Bright Side’ podcast
- Joy Harden Bradford – Host of the ‘Therapy for Black Girls’ podcast
- Minnie Driver – Host of the ‘Mini Questions’ podcast
- Jenny Kaplan – Host of the ‘Encyclopedia Womannica’ podcast
Important Terms:
- socioeconomic: Relating to or concerned with the interaction of social and economic factors.
- rejuvenation: The action or process of making someone or something look or feel better, younger, or more vital.
- ideation: The formation of ideas or concepts.
- self-assurance: Confidence in one’s own abilities or character.
- externalize: To express a thought or feeling in an outward form or to attribute to external causes.
- relentless: Continuing in a severe or extreme way without pausing or stopping.
- introspection: The examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.
- self-worth: The sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.
- introspection: The examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.
- perspective: A particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view.
- neglect: Fail to care for properly.
- symptoms: A physical or mental feature that is regarded as indicating a condition of disease, or which constitutes a departure from a normal condition.
Memorable Quotes:
- ‘”The biggest challenge is we’re comparing our behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel and you’re going to keep doing that until you start focusing on your behind the scenes and you start building who you are.”‘ – Jay Shetty
- ‘”If you don’t define what success means to you, you by default will use the definition of others.”‘ – Jay Shetty
- ‘”We compare ourselves more when we don’t know what we stand for.”‘ – Jay Shetty
- ‘”Collaboration crushes competition.”‘ – Jay Shetty
- ‘”We’ve been conditioned to base our self worth on how others see us, not how we see ourselves.”‘ – Jay Shetty
- ‘”When you do something even small, but you do with a big heart and you feel well, that will boost your confidence. It will stop you from comparing yourself to others because you will feel self worth at the core.”‘ – Jay Shetty
- ‘”Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste and that’s where the perspective shift comes that it’s not a waste, that everything you’ve done has built you to where you are now.”‘ – Emily Tish Sussman
Media Mentioned:
A Really Good Cry: A podcast hosted by Radio de Lucia where she talks with friends, authors of books that have changed her life, and emphasizes the importance of a good cry.
She Pivots: A podcast hosted by Emily Tish Sussman that explores the inspiring pivots women have made in their lives and careers.
The Bright Side: A podcast from Hello Sunshine hosted by Danielle Robey and Simone Boyce, focusing on conversations about culture, trends, inspiration, and more.
Therapy for Black Girls: An NAACP and Webby Award-winning podcast hosted by Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, dedicated to mental health, personal development, and the decisions black women make to become their best selves.
Encyclopedia Womannica: A podcast by Jenny Kaplan that introduces listeners to the lives of women history has forgotten.
Mini Questions: A podcast hosted by Minnie Driver where she asks guests the same seven questions to uncover various answers.
Key Takeaways:
| Category | Takeaway |
| Understanding Comparison | Comparison is a universal experience, not unique to the era of social media, and can be rooted in childhood experiences. |
| There are two types of comparison: ‘upward’ where we compare ourselves to those we perceive as better, and ‘downward’ which involves comparing to those we see as less fortunate. | |
| Strategies to Stop Comparing | Define personal success and happiness in various life aspects to avoid adopting others’ definitions. |
| Discover and focus on personal strengths instead of comparing weaknesses with others’ strengths. | |
| Study the pains of those you compare yourself to and have real conversations to understand their struggles. | |
| Collaborate with peers instead of competing with them to build relationships and crush the competitive mindset. | |
| Always be a student, stay curious, and learn from others’ successes instead of feeling envious. | |
| Engage in small acts with a big heart to boost confidence and self-worth. | |
| Complete a task you’ve been postponing to kickstart a new phase of productivity and self-improvement. |
